...confessions of a cape town freelancer: part 1...

Last Roll of the Week

Working from home has its fun side, but no one ever talks about the downsides. 

Us freelancers know them all, and snigger at ourselves behind the full-timers’ backs, but I intend to share some of these less-than-charming secrets.

Since I can remember I’ve always had a thing for 2-ply toilet paper. The ones with the Labrador puppies, to be exact. I see them as a sign of luxury, and that all must be well in a household where a pyramid of these rolls live.

I think we can all agree that 2-ply is a non-negotiable, but when did that happen?! As a full-time working adult I never even hovered near the crusty 1-ply rolls, but now, as a freelancer I spend a bit more time in front of the toilet roll racks. And I weigh up my options: 1-ply and a treat, or 2-ply and no treat? The 2-ply always wins (and my waist is loving me for it).

My usage of toilet paper has increased exponentially with the decline of my income. 

I used to take loo paper for granted. At an office it’s available at your beck and call, and you can drop it like your bitch at any time of the day. Runny nose? No problem! Just use your company’s Labrador puppies to wipe that right up. The last sheet of white loveliness as you sit down? No worries! Just take a new roll out of the heap neatly packed in the rack, or the corner, or wherever your company keeps its stash.

I have become frugal with 2-ply like there’s no tomorrow. Just the other day a friend visited and as she excused herself to go to the loo, I almost followed her into the bathroom to check how many sheets she would tear from my beloved puppies. 

I didn’t, of course, since she is also a freelancer. But I did hover outside the door, and semi-shouted: “That’s my last roll for the week, friend”. She wasn’t offended at all, and even offered to bring me eggs the next time she visited. Bless her soul. (If only I could turn eggs into loo rolls, right?)

My true desperation was tested when I went to this fancy schmancy restaurant in Franschhoek on a special occasion (the name shall not be disclosed for the protection of the vicinity), and spent much longer than was needed in the bathroom as I sat admiring their 2-almost-3-ply rolls. Lots of them. Stacked high and beautifully. 

I sighed, finished my business, and left. Back at the table I asked my dinner companion, a very close friend of mine, if she would think less of me if I had stolen a loo roll from the restaurant. She laughed and shook her head, but much later, when we had paid our bill (me swiping the credit card grudgingly), she gave me a sneak peek into her handbag, and there it was: a majestic 2-almost-3-ply roll of greatness. 

I almost cried from happiness. On her own trip to the bathroom she had done what I couldn’t, because her handbag was bigger. Now that’s what true friends do.

Apart from the much-lusted-after Labradors (which are the most expensive loo rolls on the market, by the way), I’m also a big fan of Woolies’ 2-play. With pretty little leaves. It reminds me of the change of seasons. Don’t ask me why. Anyway, the point is: 

I have one roll left for this week, and I plan to make the most of it.

~ Jana